Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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