3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize