I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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