Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
