Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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