I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
