Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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