We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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