sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
