still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize