Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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