Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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