Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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