You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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