I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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