What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
