I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
