I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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