He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I fill condoms, not promises.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
