My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
