Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
