wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
