I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
