I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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