Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
