we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
