At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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