She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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