my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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