Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
