just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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