Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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