He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
