Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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