loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
