I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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