Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
