Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
party gras won. party gras always wins.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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