Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
