my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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