Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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