My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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