The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
