just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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