Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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