come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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