It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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