margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
4 words: hood of his car
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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