YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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