the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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