I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
