Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
