you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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