wat bout pragnant strippers??
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
