It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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