I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
