what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How's work?
Spinning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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