Cold hands, warm shart.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
