I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize