If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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