It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
