Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
