brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
