I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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