HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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