its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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