I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
