i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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