Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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