I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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