how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
